I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
