i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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