He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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