Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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