i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
