with your own penis?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
