I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
