Just cropdusted the office
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
