can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
