my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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