Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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