The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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