YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
