I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
