I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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