I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
