Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
