I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
