I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
