he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
