She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
