Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
