Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
