Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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