We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
