she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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