If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
