I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
