I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
