It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
