Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
