i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
