she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
