I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
