just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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