I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
