he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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