his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Farmville is her only friend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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