the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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