Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
