Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
