I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
