Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
