Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
