I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
