Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
