i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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