Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
