Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
