What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
