Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
