1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
