okay pat passed out under dana's car
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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