i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he shaved USA in his pubs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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