Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
