...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
