and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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