Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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