I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
